Two things I hate:

Being embarrassed, and being disappointed.
I know I'm having a bad day when I am both of these in the space of ten minutes.
Today was a bad day.

Le Sourir

Plastered across my face,
etched into my cheeks,
stretched from ear to ear,
sparkling in my eyes,
dripping from my lips,
resounding through my entire body.

Painfully happy, and never wanting it to end.

Sometimes

I smile, just because I know it makes you happy.

Je Dors

I sleep with my legs to my chest
I sleep with my toes curled in the bottom sheet
I sleep with my pillow cradled in my arms
I sleep with my toy bunny Flopsy tucked under my neck

I sleep with my duna wrapped around me
I sleep with my iPod in my ears, cord around my throat
I sleep with my firsts clenched
I sleep with my brow furrowed

I sleep like I'm never going to wake up
Because maybe I'm not
I sleep like there's no tomorrow
Because maybe there isn't

I knew

I knew you'd say that.

I knew you'd know I'd say that.

A piece of advice.

Everytime you think "I shouldn't do this."

Do it.

And do it well.

So I've decided

That I'm going to give up hoping for the world to be a safe place.
Because evidently, we're all fucked.
And it's really hard to find hope right now.

So I think

this is the first actual blog-like post I've written.
I never really thought of this as a place for straight-up personal thoughts, in a way that it's just like I'm talking to the internet. (Hello internet).

And seriously this is really weird because anyone could read this, and I know some of the people that will (Hello followers) but it's like I'm just talking to the internet itself, which is basically the universe. Nothing is sacred.

But all that aside, the point of this is I think to have a post that has my raw thoughts, written before I make them all nice and fancy and self-proclaimed 'poetic'. Also I cbf making a tumblr which seems to be the real place for this kind of aimless meandering outlet.

SO! Long story short I don't have facebook on weekdays, and it hasn't bothered me until now, but today is one of those days where I really want to talk to someone, and I have already spent the majority of my credit on said person. And I didn't mean to get myself into this, but I think everyone has at least once known that person that just makes them smile. And you could talk to them non-stop and not notice that several hours have passed, and you haven't done anything productive in that time but made yourself happy. Which I think should be far more important than English essays and Art backup, but there's high school for you. So I'm currently rather unhappy, and expressing this unhappiness through this here blog. Evidently.

However, I think the moral of the story is that it's definitely possible to have too much of a good thing. Not getting what I want is in turn good for me, because I don't want to be desensitised and start taking this for granted, and to make my parents happy I'm going to throw in that I don't want to fuck up year 12 and should be utilising my time doing homework and other such laborious activities. Basically writing this has made me realise I need to suck it up and stop relying on other people to make me happy, but I should still let myself be happy if that's what my brain wants. Or something. I have a feeling that last sentence was totally unrelated. Yeah? Mad.

Now, goodbye followers/random blog readers/stalkers/internet/universe.
If you like this post, let me know so I know whether I should write another one some time?
Or I can stick to my usual sentimental crap.
Choice is yours!
Well not really, because this is my blog.
Goddamn this was a bad idea.