le vingtième

So I know these two girls. They're my best friends. We stay up past midnight on school nights, and complain about homework. Then we get to school and complain about how tired we are, how we didn't do our homework, and how we won't be able to do any work that day.

But the nights. These nights. They far outweigh the days. Outshine. We talk about our boyfriends. How much we love them, and how much we hate them. We talk about how amazing love is, and how much it sucks. We talk about how pointless school is, and how we can't wait to see each other there the next day. We talk about our dreams, our hopes. The ideas in our minds that may never come true. But we imagine.

Imagine if we lived together. It'd be hopeless. We'd never sleep, never get anything done. Just lie in bed all night, all day, talking...

Oh sorry, did I say hopeless?

I meant perfect.

le dix-neufième

There is no greater power, no higher being controlling everything.
If there was, why do some people prosper when others suffer? The Guilty live when the Innocent die.
Is it to even things out? To make things ' fair ' ?

Fair is not rich bastards eating caviar on million dollar yachts, while millions starve in their own homes. Fair is not spoilt brats spending thousands on shit they think they need, while thousands of helpless kids are given a gun and sent to war because they are told it is what they need. Fair is not one child being brought into a wealthy family having done nothing to deserve it, while one child is left in a world with nothing at all.

Now somehow fair just doesn't seem all that fair to me.

lueur

The boy with the shining soul. A thread of gold in a faded patchwork quilt.

le dix-huitième

She pushes on, through, against;
Resisting everything around her.
All that has been, but none that will be.

The difference is as blurred as the shapes on the horizon.
On the highway in her mind it is impossible to tell;
Wrong from right, right from left.

There is nothing left.

But nothing is what she looks for.
Her whole life surrounded by things which no longer exist;
Things she could never understand.

Every thing is gone, and when all is gone
Nothing remains.
She remains.

She who was never anything; someone else’s everything.
Just the empty space left to its own devices.
Devices which lead her on her search.

A search, not to find everything,
Because everything means nothing to her;
Nothing is her everything.

le dix-septième

I don't believe in God.
I believe in Life.
The one thing we all share;
The common ground.
No matter how bad, life is life.
Life Is.
There is no heaven, no hell.
No eternal damnation,
No white light at the end of the tunnel.
Just the here, and the now.
Each breath in,
Each breath out,
Each beat of a heart,
Each blink of an eye.
We are life, after life, after life.
Our sole purpose is to live the life we are given,
Until we drain it of every drop,
And move on to the next.
Have you ever watched a movie,
or read a book,
and thought to yourself...
I wish that was me?
I like to think that maybe it was.

contradictoire

Faultlessly faulted. Perfectly imperfect. Flawlessly flawed.
The ulimate contradiction.

le seizième

We are
They are
He is

But you
Oh, you
Are not

And never
Simply never
Will be

So stop.

le quinzième

Being so aware
But out of control
Gasping for the air
The last few drinks stole

Hitting the hard floor
Then being pulled up
Always wanting more
You refill your cup

Your throat fills with bile
The window appears
Still vomiting while
They hand you more beers

As the whole room blurs
Mind’s starting to slip
The aching gets worse
Life loses its grip

Faces all around
Uncomprehensive
There is no more sound
You’re failing to live

Yet all is not lost
Consciousness returns
This time at what cost
Your whole body burns

Your brain shakes and throbs
Your legs will not move
Your frame racked with sobs
You wait to improve

Your balance is back
Your vision is too
An empty six pack
Stares straight back at you

The clock tells you ten
Your hair and clothes reek
You’ll be here again
The same time next week

nul

You know, huh? You know. You know, you know, you know.
See the thing is, I don't think you do know. So stop saying it as if I'm the one with the problem.

le quatorzième

You would think
The countless missed opportunities
The continuous bad timing
The constant failures
Would be reason enough
To concede defeat
And let fate have his way

But despite these crushing efforts
My stubbornness lives on
And she is willing to challenge destiny
To regain her chapters
To reclaim her character
To rewrite this conclusion
She will fight for her happy ending

le treizième

How do you know
When it’s changed
How do you know
When it’s become more

More than you ever thought possible
More than you ever imagined
More than you ever intended
More than you ever wanted
More than you can take
More than the first innocent comment

Which sparked
Which grew
Which burst into life
Creating a fire
From which there is no escape

You know
When it’s too late
You know
When you’re beginning to burn

dieux

The reason we live is to die like gods.

le douzième

Not every second counts,
Not everywhere is someone's home,
Not every day is worth waking up for,
Not everybody has a soul mate,
Not everything happens for a reason.

But every second is different,
Everywhere is different,
Every day is different,
Everybody is different,
Everything is different.

That's the beautiful thing about being human,

Things change.

l'onzième

There are people who annoy you; those people who get on your nerves because honestly, they just fuck you off. Those people who you can't stand and you don't know why, but you don't actually care.

Then there are those people that really get to you. The ones who know the little things that drive you insane and aren't afraid to burrow under your skin. The ones who make you fume and cry and scream. The ones who push you, further and further, closer to the edge. The ones you toss and turn over. The ones you are desperate to unravel. The ones who pull and pull at you until you are undone. The ones who snap you, so you want to hurt them as much as they hurt you.

And it's these people who are the most valuable. Because whether you like it or not, they understand a part of you like nobody else. They care enough to get inside. And once they're in, you'll never let them out.

brûlure

You painted your name on my skin, but burnt it into my heart.

le dixième

Finding perfection, but not being able to have it, is not as bad as you'd think. The fact you found it in the first place seems enough. More than enough. It would be greedy to want, to expect, that you could keep that beauty. It belongs to someone else, yet jealousy is dead; replaced by relief that someone can appreciate it. She must be deserving - have something you don't - that allows her to hold such beauty. It is not yours and most likely never will be, though the chance is ever present. Meeting perfection but not being able to have it is all that you can handle. Because if you obtained such wonder, your life could never be the same.

le neufième

He's only doing it for himself.
She's with the wrong person.
They're going to follow suit.

I'm looking for any way to change.
You're saying it again.
We're doing all that we can...

Nothing.
It's all we are ever able to do.

bonheur

Have you ever felt so happy, you thought you might be sick?

Me neither.

le huitième

The bow in my hair
The black on my eyes
The love in my stare
The hate on the rise

The words that I vowed
The dinner for two
I hope that you're proud
This is all for you

le septième

I miss you, no matter when said, always seems to sound so cliché. But it's easy to see why. It is so easy... Easier than saying "I started missing you before you left." Easier than crying "I can't sleep without thinking of you." Easier than choking "That goodbye was a weapon, and it shattered my heart." Easier than sighing "I can't face life without you." So here's me taking the easy way out, and saying I miss you. And hey,
I do miss you.

tentation

I shouldn't, and I can't, and I won't
But I would.

le sixième

The desert that is my mind
Remains as dry as my eyes
But when I see your face
And the first tear escapes

My mind is flooded
With thoughts of you
My cheeks are flooded
With tears for you
My heart is flooded
Because of you

And I drown
Oh how eagerly I drown

le cinquième

We all want a name
Our name
The individuality it brings

Nobody wants to be a number
Another in an endless line of digits
Unless
It’s number one
Top of the list
No longer second best
The first one they think about
The last one they dream of
The one in each and every thought
The one they can not live without
The only one

It’s one
Or it’s nothing
Even a name can not compare to that One

réponse

Why can't you be yourself?

Because myself is wanting you.

le quatrième

I will never be that girl again
I will never be that girl
I will never be that
I will never be
I will never
I will

le troisième

Un bruit de pluie sur le toit,
me rapelle toujours à toi.
Et je sais que de moins en moins,
il te rappellera à moi.

isolement

I have tasted loneliness. I think I'd rather starve.

le deuxième

I'm trying to figure it out
Trying to see where I stand
If I am in fact standing at all

Maybe I've yet to find my feet
Perhaps I'm already running
Faster than I thought possible

Some are born sprinting at full speed
Some die without moving an inch
Why should I have the privilege of knowing which I'll be?
Knowing where I'll end up...

I don't care how long it takes
I just hope I get there in the end
Wherever there is

la première

As the single heated tear spills down my cheek,
I think of you.
And as it is joined by another,
I think of you.
And I think of you,
and I think of you,
and I think of you, until the cascade of sadness
falling from my jaw
comes to an end.
And I am left tearless.
And I am left desperate.
Desperate for one more tear;
desperate for one more excuse to think of you again.