Rancunes.

That's the thing about holding grudges;

Even when you think you've won,
you realise what you've really lost.

Question.

Do you forget sometimes?
Forget that I can't always control it.
Forget that I can't always express it.
Forget that it's more than just a bad mood.
Forget that it's more than I can handle alone.
Forget that it won't disappear overnight.
Forget that it won't listen to reason.
Forget that it's a sickness.
Forget that it's a struggle.
Do you forget that I don't want it?

Do I forget sometimes?
Forget that you don't understand.
Forget that you don't think.
Forget that you can't read minds.
Forget that you can't make it stop.
Forget how easily I break.
Forget how easily I blame.
Forget it's not just about me.
Forget it's not your fault.
Do I forget that you don't want it?


Yes.
Twenty times over, a bit fat fucking Yes.

Circles

"i miss ****** ****** and you waaaaaa D:"

It's things like this that make me feel like I actually don't exist, and I really am just going around in circles.

HELLO UNIVERSE, I AM STILL HERE.

I have

honestly never felt this unhappy for such a long period of time.

Hm.

Things I'm currently scared of:

1. Making real friends at art school
2. Applying for/getting a job I don't completely hate
3. Learning to drive
4. Riding a bike
5. Failing at 1-4
6. Failing at anything
   
7. Having to grow up
8. Not being brave enough
9. Losing sight of what's really important
10. Myself.
    

Expectations:

I don't want them.

To Be Honest

I'm getting pretty fucking fed up with feeling like I don't exist to you any more.

Thoughtless. Careless. Heartless.